


if you love me, why’d you leave me?

by orphan_account



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Breakup, Character Death, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, none really lol, sad chenle, sad jeno
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-05-01 21:55:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19186183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: jeno has been struggling with a breakup between him and jaemin for the past three days. while chenle goes to comfort him, jeno discovers a concerning secret that might just save chenle’s life.





	if you love me, why’d you leave me?

**Author's Note:**

> sorry if a few things don’t make sense, english is not my first language. writing this fic made me realize how much of a sadist i am, welp. enjoy! please leave kudos/comments!

if you love me, why’d you leave me?

summary- jeno has been struggling with a breakup between him and jaemin for the past three days. while chenle goes to comfort him, jeno discovers a concerning secret that might just save chenle’s life.

i ran my fingers through my hair, letting out a sad sigh. it had been exactly seventy two hours since jaemin and i broke up. i still wasn’t ready to let it go, however. it still hurt. i remembered his exact words ‘i still love you jeno, but i think it’s best if we break up.’ it stung like a bullet.  
who was he to say that he still loved me, when right after he would turn his back on me? i let a few stray tears fall down my cheeks, not bothering to hide the hurt anymore. i was only faintly aware of the small male leaning against the door frame, watching me in my despair. “hyung?” he whispered, i recognized it as chenle’s. ‘of course,’ i thought, ‘only the maknae who cares about everything would stop to care about me.’  
“i’m fine.” i stated firmly, not willing to meet the younger’s eyes. i could practically see chenle rolling his eyes, even if i was looking at him. the smaller male walked over to me calmly, placing his hand under my chin and lifting my head upwards. “look at me, hyung.” he said in a small voice, waiting for me to meet his gaze, so i did. chenle smiled before saying, “it’s okay to be sad, jeno hyung. we all get sad sometimes. it’s just about how you handle it.”  
i nearly laughed, “and i’m not handling it that well.” i pulled the younger boy onto my lap, warming up with his body heat. it took me a moment to realize, but i knew something felt wrong. “chenle, why do you feel so light?” chenle’s smile faded quickly, replaced by a frown, “i don’t know what you mean, hyung.” i sighed, piecing it all together like a puzzle. “zhong chenle! you haven’t been eating?” i practically screamed at him, the green haired male curled up against his hyung’s chest, whispering, “i’m sorry.”  
suddenly, mark rushed into the room, “did you say chenle is not eating?” he asked frantically, his eyes filling with worry. “just feel him, hyung, he’s gotten so light.” i responded, handing the younger boy over to the oldest. mark took chenle for my hands swiftly as the chinese boy started to cry softly, “i’m fine, i’m fine.” he repeated against mark’s chest. my heart broke seeing him, and to know that i thought going through a break up is the worst. the older male gasped slightly, panicking at the difference in size since he last held the smaller boy.  
a sleepy renjun stumbled into the room, nearly tripping over his feet as he fought to stay awake, “can you please stop yelling? some of us are trying to- oh!” he stopped mid sentence once he saw chenle in tears, “it got worse, didn’t it?” mark and i looked at the older chinese male in confusion, silently asking for an explanation. “he wasn’t been eating properly for maybe.. 3 months? chenle said it was getting better, that he was eating at least 500 calories every day. i.. i believed him, how could i not?”  
i inhaled sharply as to not snap at renjun, he knew this whole time? suddenly, haechan and jisung showed up at the door, each carrying a different kind of food. “we heard everything,” haechan explained, “we got some of lele’s favorites.” mark muttered a soft ‘thank you’ as he set the crying boy down onto the bed, helping him sit up properly. usually, mark would be gentle with his words, but not this time.  
”chenle. eat. now.” the eldest said with a completely serious tone, doing his best to hide his concern. mark looked up at me as soon as chenle shyly started to eat, asking, “should we call jaemin?” i froze, knowing i couldn’t face him, “i- this is lele we’re talking about, not me. it doesn’t matter what happened between us.” haechan pulled out his phone, exiting the room with an “i’ll call him.” chenle finished his meal shortly after, still silent as ever. mark picked the younger back up and addressed the group, “you all can go back to sleep, i’ll look after him.” i nodded heading to bed.  
it had been a few hours since mark asked us all to go to bed but i couldn’t sleep, i felt so guilty. i had been sulking around about a break up while our innocent little chenle was starving himself to death. how selfish could i get? i pushes to my feet, deciding to head over to the bathroom. when i walked over, the door was cracked open and the light was on. thinking someone had forgotten to turn it off, i went in to switch off the light. instead of seeing an empty room, however, i saw thin looking chenle bent over the toilet with two fingers down his throat as he threw up.  
”c-chenle..” i whispered, nauseous by the sight. the younger froze, staring at me with wide eyes, “jeno h-hyung.. please don’t tell them..” he begged frantically, “please, please!” i leaned down and grabbed the boy, “chenle, there’s no way i can’t tell them.” the small boy went silent as i walked back to mark’s room, knocking softly. the oldest opened the door quietly as to not disturb the others, surprised to see both chenle and jeno. “is everything alright, jeno?” i set a frantic chenle down on the bed softly.  
before i could get the chance to talk, chenle started to ramble, “i-i’m sorry mark hyung.. i can’t do it. i don’t want to eat anymore, i-it hurts.” i cut him off with a simple, “he was vomiting over the toilet.” chenle looked surprised, “o-oh, that’s all you saw?” his expression changed to relief until mark noticed it. “ZHONG CHENLE!!” he screamed, grabbing the younger’s wrists and lifting his sleeves up. there was blood and scars all along his entire arm. “i’m calling taeyong.” mark said in frustration, dialing the male that everyone considered the ‘leader’ of their group.  
when mark came back into the room, he simply grabbed chenle from my arms and waited for taeyong to come. chenle started crying and apologizing profusely, “i-i’m sorry it happen anymore! p-please! i’m fine!” but his protests were ignored by his hyungs, who’s hearts were shattering at boy’s broken voice. “kun hyung is coming, you’ll be okay chenle.” the small boy lit up at the mention of his boyfriend, tears slowing down.  
taeyong, his boyfriend ten, and chenle’s boyfriend kun, arrive in less than ten minutes, kun practically blowing his top off with concern. he snatched his boyfriend into his arms and whispered sweet nothing into his ears, choking down a sob. “he needs a hospital, taeyong. it’s bad.” mark commented dryly, trying not to interrupt the moment shared between kun and chenle. taeyong nodded stiffly, “mark and jeno can come with us, but the rest need to stay here.” he announced.  
i sighed in relief, glad that, one, i would get to stay with chenle, and two, that i wouldn’t be home when jaemin got home. it was a win-win (pun not intended). a selfish part of me was thanking chenle for a reason to never face his ex, not yet as least. taeyong led them all to the car, letting their manager drive them to the hospital. when the doctors came to take chenle away, the youngest’s boyfriend pressed a soft kiss to his lips, whispering, “it’s okay.” and letting chenle go with the doctors. 

several days had passed. chenle had been released from the hospital after three days, seeing as he was on suicide watch, but he seemed much happier. for a moment, i forgot how this all started. i forgot that i had been sad about jaemin before, because chenle mattered more than any of that. but life has a sick sense of humor.  
chenle had stopped cutting, leaving be the scars that were littering across his fore arms, relieving everyone greatly. no one really noticed that the young male still didn’t eat properly. after one particularly hard dance practice, chenle fainted and hit his head on the ground. he never woke up, never breathed ever again, never laughed every again. kun has detached himself from everyone, lashing out whenever anyone tried to talk to him about chenle. it was at the small boy’s funeral that i finally met jaemin again.  
as soon as he saw me, he grabbed my arm, sending a shock through my arm. “jeno, please forgive me. i love you, i never stopped.” i sucked in a deep breath and popped the question, “if you love me, why’d you leave me?” jaemin never had the chance to answer that, the funeral began before he could even open his mouth. today, i grieved for two things, the death of my friend, and the death of jaemin and i’s relationship. neither could be repaired, and both hurt equally as bad.


End file.
